I'm sure you've seen that poor TSA screener - the guy sitting next to the x-ray machine trying to distinguish what's in your stuff from the image the x-ray shoots at him. He must have extraordinary concentration abilities. I do not. I would either get fired, or a plane would blow up because of me. And then I would definitely get fired. And you have to be a very, um, "special" person to get fired from a government job.
Thanks to this screener's training and lack of ADD, I've had my bag searched for some rather silly things, though. Well, I think they're silly. Here are the top 5 things in my luggage that have set off someone's danger radar at a checkpoint:
1. A jar of peanut butter. Yes, peanut butter apparently looks very dangerous when packed in a suitcase. Why pack peanut butter for a trip? Because it is wonderfully tasty and delicious. No other reason needed. Peanut butter rocks.
2. That mini bottle of lotion that you threw in your bag as you left your hotel room for the airport. Yeah... they don't like that very much. But I don't like dry hands.
3. A pitch pipe. You think my middle C is dangerous? Wait until you hear my F sharp! Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
4. A CD walkman. Hey, it was a long time ago, ok? Never mind that I still probably have that thing in a storage container somewhere...
5. A tub of Vaseline. Don't judge. My skin is seriously dry, yes I put Vaseline on it, and I don't care what you or TSA think about that.
So there you have it. If you try to carry any of the above items with you onto an airplane, expect to make friends with the TSA agent(s) at your nearest friendly checkpoint. Just try to remember that your new friends are actually paying attention to their job. Happy flying, y'all.
Thanks to this screener's training and lack of ADD, I've had my bag searched for some rather silly things, though. Well, I think they're silly. Here are the top 5 things in my luggage that have set off someone's danger radar at a checkpoint:
1. A jar of peanut butter. Yes, peanut butter apparently looks very dangerous when packed in a suitcase. Why pack peanut butter for a trip? Because it is wonderfully tasty and delicious. No other reason needed. Peanut butter rocks.
2. That mini bottle of lotion that you threw in your bag as you left your hotel room for the airport. Yeah... they don't like that very much. But I don't like dry hands.
3. A pitch pipe. You think my middle C is dangerous? Wait until you hear my F sharp! Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
4. A CD walkman. Hey, it was a long time ago, ok? Never mind that I still probably have that thing in a storage container somewhere...
5. A tub of Vaseline. Don't judge. My skin is seriously dry, yes I put Vaseline on it, and I don't care what you or TSA think about that.
So there you have it. If you try to carry any of the above items with you onto an airplane, expect to make friends with the TSA agent(s) at your nearest friendly checkpoint. Just try to remember that your new friends are actually paying attention to their job. Happy flying, y'all.
My godmother would add avocado and cucumber to that list. She travels frequently for work and stocks up at Costco when at home. If she doesn't pull those out of her bag she will be stopped.
ReplyDeleteWow! Now that's hilarious :) I guess vegetables and fruits are suspect, too...
DeleteOh I can give you a few more things for your list...
ReplyDelete1. Sex toys
2. Play-dough
3. Chocolate bars
Cuz.. you might ask how I know this..I spend 8 hr a day looking at the X-ray monitors...oh the things I see!!!!!
1 and 2 make sense. But chocolate bars? That's a new one for me! And thank you for keeping us safe!
DeleteThat's a very interesting list. I've accidentally gotten things through security (Swiss-army knife, full water bottle, etc) a few times, so not all the TSA agents are equally focused on their task.
ReplyDeleteThat is very true. I've accidentally gone through with items that should have been caught, myself!
DeletePeanut butter and vaseline are thick enough that they can't see through them, hence getting searched. The same is likely true of lotion.
ReplyDeleteI'm flying on Saturday. I'll let you know if I get searched! ;)
Yeah, I know peanut butter and Vaseline are of the right density to flag a bag for extra scrutiny, but I still find it funny. Good luck with your flight!
Deletehaha, very funny! I always get so annoyed when they screen me.
ReplyDeleteNo one can escape the screening! Except perhaps for Obama, Richard Branson, and Jesus...
DeleteI got pulled out for a random search last time I came back from London, and the woman next to me who was also being randomly searched was an IDIOT. who packs dirty underwear in her carryon?
ReplyDelete(ew.)
Well, if all you have is your carry-on, then that's the only place you have to put it! :)
Delete